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Saturday, August 1st
Posted:Aug 1, 2020 7:01 am
Last Updated:Aug 1, 2020 11:41 am

I'm sitting here sipping my cup of coffee, watching an early morning news program and trying line up all the projects I'm thinking I want tackle today. The temperatures are freaking amazing for this time of year, this time of summer in Oklahoma. Temperature is in the low 70s, barely a breeze but it's out of the north when it does tickle the trees...it's too perfect of a day to stay indoors.

My adulting over the past couple of weeks, which I equate adulting to crunching numbers, providing ownership documents and such to my properties, financials, are paying off. The adulting project may just allow me to create my outdoor living space if that's the direction I want to go.

The high school boyfriend seems to have gotten cold feet about building on or creating a new relationship 40 later. That's okay because I've really been questioning myself over the last month as why I felt such a need track him down and enjoy his company. I did not get enjoy him in the sexual arena but not because I did not want . I'm not totally writing him off but I haven't had any response to my last about joining for dinner last night, so time step way back and if he eventually responds, great, if not, well, I've gone 43 without him, I can go on with my life without him.

The reality is that I'm much different than I was in high school. I understand and know how use my pussy purpose. I know what I want and obviously, I'm not afraid venture forth and find it. In this case, I just didn't know what do with it once I found it.

For some reason the clip of a video on the front of AgoraCosmopolitan Dating of the guy eating a gal's pussy, really turned me on. I think I need find a man that will eat my pussy and then leave if that's what I want him do. I want a man eat my pussy the way I want him ...Yes, I miss my least favorite submissive in this regard because he understood it was his place to come to me when I command, do what I wanted, in this case, eat my pussy exactly like I want it eaten, get me off and then leave. The thought of training another man or men to do just that, well, I'm not really in the mood to train anyone. I want instant gratification and that can be easily accomplished by my own hands and toys.

So, today it's all about seeing what projects I can tackle and then maybe getting some prices on the amazing outdoor living space I'm wanting to create for myself that I can enjoy year round!!!!
Sunday Reflections 07/26/2020
Posted:Jul 26, 2020 10:30 am
Last Updated:Jul 27, 2020 8:24 am

It's been a week of immense adulting and decision making. There's more come with the adulting/decision making but I think I've got a good handle on what's a head and after all, I've come this far!!!

I've spent the weekend tackling projects around the house. Always good get those projects knocked out one by one. I just finished cleaning up the inside of my car this morning before it got too hot. Now I'm headed back out to tackle cleaning up and off the patio.

I've not heard anything from the high school friend. I'm hoping I'll hear from him when he wants to get together again for dinner. As I said before, I've got mixed emotions about it. I hate feeling as though I'm desperately seeking adult company but the truth of the matter is I am. I'm picky, I know but I have actually found myself missing having someone around. And then the mixed bag of grief emotions flood over me, I cry awhile missing the man, missing my little and the circle goes round and round.

I've been obsessing about Smirnoff Ice - Pineapple. It is an alcoholic beverage that is sooo yummy. I learned from the one liquor store I frequent that it is a summer flavor so when they sell out, that's it!! Well, I called the sister store and they had 5 six pacs. I bought 2 the other evening. I think I will go back this afternoon and buy the other 3 or however many they have left. That should get me through the month of August. I love the Peach Bellini and the watermelon is okay The watermelon and pineapple are the summer flavors. I'm much more interested in the pineapple flavor than the watermelon. Anyway, that's an obsession that I can easily take care of in the next few days.

I've also got to make a decision about my damned clothes washer. I haven't had the energy nor the inclination to dig in and try and fix it myself. I could see if the high school friend would try and fix it but I really don't want that kind of pressure put on him or giving him from me...so, I may have to buy another washing machine which is a pain in the butt because I bought this one about ago and there are so many out now that do ten times what this one would do. Of cousre, if I get a new washer should I get a new dryer. This dryer has had its moments and doesn't dry as efficiently as I would like so maybe a big change and get rid of what I have and get new. But do I want spend that kind of ? Again, more adulting type decisions.

I've been taking the edge off of my sexual desires by continuing masturbate with the favorite vibrator of the wee dI have such a vivid imagination that I can come up with all sorts of scenarios that get mee off in about 5 or minutes. It's a bit easier right now because I seem be on a simmer type mode almost continually. I'm sure this is due thinking about the high school friend and what lays ahead sexually for us, if anything. I have smile because I've found myself really thinking about how clumsy and crazy it was back in high school and now I've got a handle on how harness the most out of my thoughts and feelings and accomplish a very satisfying orgasm. I can't help but think, I've learned my pussy purpose in so many ways since those clumsy gropings back in high school. I had an urge take care of but just went about it as the opportunities would present themselves which were practially non-existent. Wow, quite a journey over the past 43 !!!!

Time get back my patio project. Have a great Sunday and a great work week ahead!!!
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Saturday Morning Pondering
Posted:Jul 25, 2020 7:04 am
Last Updated:Jul 25, 2020 10:24 am

I've been up and around for hours now. I've been trying map out my Saturday but have yet get much accomplished other than getting my bed made.

My high school friend did not want get together last night for dinner. I was surprised that I had such mixed emotions about it. I was disappointed because I do enjoy talking to him about not only the past but how we're approaching life here and now. I enjoy the adult conversation and company even though I'm trying to figure out the sexual aspect of the relationship.

I was okay with him not coming over because I could get several errands done as well as map out my weekend and food/meals. I could relax and fall asleep on the sofa if I wanted because when he is coming over I run around trying to straighten the place up to where I think it is presentable.

It's just a mixed bag of emotions when I received that "maybe some other time." I know he has a life and he's got do his own thing. When we are able get together, I need to enjoy it and not force anything. What am I afraid of????

I've been doing some extreme adulting this past work week as I have decided to see if I qualify for a Home Equity Loan or Heloc. I still haven't closed on the sale of my deceased husband's land down in southeastern Oklahoma and right now it's looking like sometime at the end of August and maybe not until September before that deal will close. At least I'm hoping that's when it will finally be completed and I can close that chapter. The sale of the farm still has me questioning whether or not I should really sell it and then the voices of reason jump in...yes, I'm a big head case right now!! lol

Anyway, I don't know if I will qualify but I'm jumping through all the hoops and rounding up all the documents that are required to do this deal.. We'll see, it's keeping me busy both physically and mentally.

I'm hoping to get out on the patio and repot a bunch of my patio plants that have outgrown their currernt pots or their current pots are crumbling. It's supposed to be a July scorcher today so I'll have to pace myself due to the heat.

Have a great Saturday and a great weekend!!!
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Posted:Jul 24, 2020 6:45 am
Last Updated:Jul 25, 2020 10:24 am

It's finally Friday AND it's a Friday!!!

I've been busy going through papers and doing some more cleaning out of various boxes and plastic bins getting rid of all the paper items that are no longer of any use or value. Surprisingly enough I have come across several documents that I did need keep, so I've been organizing. I'm a bit aggravated with myself because I should have done this organizing ago but I guess I am being forced deal with it now.

My washing machine is still out of commission so I've been going the laundromat. I am going have deal with either getting this one fixed or going ahead and getting a new one. With everything else that seems be mounting around the house, I'm not sure I can financially swing the washing machine but who knows. It would be much more convenient be able do my laundry here once again. It only takes 30 minutes get one or loads done because I come home do the drying.

I haven't heard back from my high school friend see if he's going join for dinner again this Friday night. We've had dinner together the last Friday nights. I will probably hear from him later today as to whether or not he's going to join .
It's still VERY slow going but I'm adjusting the slow pace. I may have masturbate before he comes over but that will be o I don't want scare him off but then when I really start thinking about it, is this really all that sexually healthy for have go so slow???

I have thought how great it would be have a submissive or that I could summon over lick my pussy exactly the way I lick it, then I would cum on their mouth and tongue, then send them away. I may let them jack off for my entertainment, I may jack them off for more of my entertainment...funny, but my sexual attention span is short when it includes another person. So much more convenient to masturbate myself than to develop some sort of pool of submissives call upon when Mistress is in need of a good orgasm by way of oral stimulation.

Happy Friday!! Have a good weekend ahead!!!
Loosing Track of What Day It Is - Reitrement?????
Posted:Jul 23, 2020 8:16 am
Last Updated:Aug 6, 2020 5:8 pm

So, working from home has left me wondering what day it is exactly when I first get up. I eventually figure it out because my iphone, my laptops and screens all have the date and then I look at my paper calendar to see what day of the week I'm on.

Working from home is great. I don't have to get around and get dressed up for work, just through on whatever, make a cup of coffee and a quick bite to eat and off to the races I go with my work.

So, knowing what day it is and where I'm at on the calendar has become quite a chore. I started feeling really isolated once my was out of the picture. I've had several friends tell me to get another cat or but I don't think I'm in a frame of mind to take on another pet. I am trying to adjust to not having to care for anyone or anything other than myself right now and I'm not going to lie, it's a struggle!!!

I had an old email friend pop up these past couple of days and he mentioned that he was sorry that I was "reitred." WHAT??????? I am guessing the way my profile reads about not necessisarily wanting to meet anyone from this sight gave him the impression that I have retired from sex??????? Retired from the kink?????? I never really thought about how someone would interpret my profile but seeing that he was sorry I had retired gave me the impression that he thinks I retired from sex.

My vanilla friend from high school asked me if I was going to retire from work sometime soon. I told him no. I honestly don't think I could handle not having a specific schedule or job to do. Besides not having the financing to be "retired" I really haven't thought about retiring from the work place.

Then there is the question of retiring from sex. I don't plan on retiring from sex. I still masturbate which is a singular form of sex, self gratification. I would enjoy having a sex partner or two or three, but the COVID19 kind of put going forth and meeting someone or men to the side. I am experimenting in vanilla right now with the old boyfriend from high school and how long it will take me to get him in bed. Quite a tedious challange for sure but it seems to fit where life has me right now.

Sure I've got a friend that wants to finally meet face-to-face over a good steak dinner and then the friend that popped up on this site and via personal email that thinks he's missed out and that I'm now retired from sex...just made me stop and think how folks can interpret something so completely different!

Do you plan on retiring from your employment or job? Will you be able to retire?
Do you plan on retiring from sex?
1 comment
Posted:Jul 20, 2020 6:53 am
Last Updated:Jul 22, 2020 5:35 am

I am finding that I am certainly in Sex Hell!! No doubt the now deceased husband had spoiled with the open relationship that we had, the swinging lifestyle before he got too sick to participate in swinging and let's just say, I am going to go completely nuts with the slow progress in the real world or vanilla lifestyle!!!

I am about to go fucking nuts!!! At least I can take some of the edge off by masturbating. I would so love to get naked and just feel that magnificent cock slide into my hot wet pussy. I don't dare say that to this man. I know he would leave as fast as he could manage to get into his car and leave. It would scare him that much. I have had to really hold back on my sexual agressiveness. I want this man. I want to taste him, kiss him, view his cock, make it hard, suck on it, slide down onto it or have him slide it into me with him on top of me...I WANT HIM!!!

I promise I'll respect him in the morning!!!

I then wondered if it would be the same way with the vanilla dating site that I joined a couple of months ago...dear gawd!!!!

I guess what it really comes down to is that I am really having to exam where I'm at in my life. Do I want a friend and companion? Do I want a sexual partner, friend and companion? What am I really wanting with this now man, from high school. We were just ignorant at , 18 years of age. I did not really know what I wanted be when I grew back then and I'm not necessarily really sure now other than I would like have a friend, companion, fuck buddy. Not sure I want live with a man ever again but it would be nice have someone that would come over, spend the night every now and then and just chill with me. Is that too much to ask for in this day and age?????

Such is life in the vanilla dating world!!!
Posted:Jul 15, 2020 8:54 am
Last Updated:Aug 6, 2020 5:8 pm

Well, I'm thrilled have reconnected with this boyfriend from high school. However, it is VERY slow going as not scare him off. And honestly, I don't think I can scare him off all that easily because I sense that he's thrilled about this re-connection as well!

I will say that this reunion has really made stop and do some serious thinking ...as this guy never married, never had . He says he got close a couple of times but it never worked out that he was able to fully commit to those couple of women.

We haven't seen each other in 43 . He's come over my house twice for dinner and we've ended up talking both times for hours. I am really wondering about myself and why I haven't made a move sexually seduce him. I want kiss him so bad I can already taste him on my lips but I haven't done it yet.

We've hugged a couple of times, but I hesitated go any further with him. What is up with my hesitation???

We both agree that it is REALLY Weird that we're reconnecting after all these . I did tell him that I felt a strong need contact him and initiate meeting face face.

We'll see how this goes. I'm taking it way slower than I normally would simply because I don't want be rejected but then on the other hand, if I am true myself, I may feel a whole lot better about seducing this guy.

I will get a hold of that magnificent cock at some point in the near future...unless I scare the hell out of him and he never comes back!!!
1 comment
Posted:Jul 15, 2020 8:24 am
Last Updated:Jul 22, 2020 11:54 am

Whose bright idea was it try and change up the freaking IM feature on this damned site?????? Dear god!!!! Now I can't log on the site check blogs or emails without getting covered up with IMs!!!! I HATE THE IM FEATURE ON THIS FREAKING SITE!!!!!!!!

Do you know how many times I've sent a complaint email this site and yet they continue make it impossible access this site without so many damned IMs popping up. I DO NOT IM!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!!

Sunday Reflections 7.5.2020
Posted:Jul 5, 2020 8:38 am
Last Updated:Jul 15, 2020 8:00 am

It's been a quiet weekend for . I think I really needed this alone time digest the death of my dear little of 16 , reflect on the loss of my husband. just grieve these losses and try regroup and get my shit together.

I've been having even more trouble sleeping these past couple of months. I can't seem to wear myself out enough during the day to stay asleep all night long even with sleep meds. Even the prescription level sleep meds I'm only down for about 4 hours and then wide awake.

I think I rested pretty well on vacation but I still would wake up in the night and struggle to get back to sleep. I keep thinking this is another phase of some sort and maybe I should talk to my doctor but things are so out of wack when trying to get in to see my doctor, why bother?

Of course there are a couple of other health issues that I need to discuss with my doctor, maybe I need to give in and do a video appointment and discuss all that is going on with me right now. I'll put that on my to-do list.

Did I mention that I made contact with the boyfriend from high school that had the magnificent cock? It's slow going but if he's still single it will be worth the efforts that I'm putting forth. I have to be patient. I am hoping that he will want to meet face to face at some point. The thought of getting a hold of his magnificent cock again is well worth waiting for.

The vanilla dating site is going slowly. The daily list of possibilities are so disappointing and so far out of my preferences I realize I need to stop buying into these dating sites like I did. But the was paid and not refundable (much like one of the airline tickets I bought from one of the travel sites and was given airline credit rather than a refund) it's just a crazy time right now.

From the sounds of the national news this past week, it's a good thing we went Florida when we did because I question whether or not we would have been able get home by flying. It was a much needed brea Now try and get some new normal formed.

I cooked way too much food yesterday for my 4th of July celebration. It was fun and I'll eat on it today and tomorrow.

Time for another cup of coffee and to get started on the hundreds of projects to tackle around the house. Have a great work week ahead!!
Heading Into the 4th of July Weekend
Posted:Jul 3, 2020 10:05 am
Last Updated:Jul 4, 2020 10:12 am

Bonus being a Federal Employee, today is the Federal holiday off for the 4th of July!!

Good thing because I'm exhausted. It's been an extremely emotional couple of days as I ended up having to put my of 16 down yesterday. He was suffering and I will not subject a pet of mine suffering just so I don't have make the decision let him go. It was especially hard because it's just . It was , the and the cat, who does not like but is learning get along with .

So, just as thunderstorms opened up and came a huge downpour here in Tulsa, I was sitting at the veterinarian's office saying good bye to my furry of 16 . The vet agreed that it was time and it was the bests decision for my little buddy. So, we said our goodbyes and I came home and cried and cried until I was able get a grip and get through the rest of the evening.

I slept hard. I'm still sad today but I think letting go of my little buddy just brought all the grieving I've been doing the past year and a half to the forefront of my emotions. I miss my husband, I now miss my little . It's been very strange not having tend him this morning. It will take some getting used .It isn'

The cat is mad at and hisses at whenever she does come out speak . I started crying the last time she hissed at me and I told her through my tears that I didn't want to let him go but it was time. I couldn't see him suffer any more. His quality of life was quickly diminishing and it was time. I don't think she cared. She scurried off to where ever it is she goes to hide out during the day.

So, rough day yesterday. I needed a day to get through this emotional time. I've got a haircut scheduled later this afternoon and I'm looking forward to getting this mop on my head chopped off. It isn't like I'm going anywhere any time soon now that my vacation is behind me.

I've got a quiet weekend here at home by myself. I really don't want to go and be around a bunch of , though I love my grandkids, I'm just not up to enduring hours of screaming, hollering, running from just lit fireworks. I'm in the mood to sit at home, fix a nice steak and lobster dinner, sit on my patio and just enjoy being by myself. I'll have a couple of alcoholic beverages.

I am looking forward to watching the movie, Hamilton on Disney Plus. I thoroughly enjoyed the live and in person version last year when the stage production came through Tulsa. I am looking forward to watching it on TV and just contemplating the storyline and where we find ourselves today!!

Happy 4th of July Weekend!!!
1 comment
Sunday Reflections 06.28.2020
Posted:Jun 28, 2020 7:39 am
Last Updated:Jun 29, 2020 3:23 pm

I have returned from vacation!!!! I got a full week of rest and relaxation, lots of naps, sun, surf and beach...lots of sand. Lots of family time. Lots of not having be anywhere at any specific time. It was a much needed break from the craziness of the current state of my life as well as many others.

Traveling our destination was definitely trying, full of masks, delays in connecting flights,, lots of unhappy fliers, it was just a crazy time be traveling by air!!

I cannot hear people when they speak with my mask on. I have a small hearing issue anyway so not being able see someone's mouth when they talk made it virtually impossible understand what I was being told. One particular stewardess got in my face and proceeded to ask if I did not understand what she had told . I told her no, I did not understand her. The next thought that went through my mind was I paid for a first class seat to get treated like I was some sort of idiot. I guess she forgot that those of us sitting in the first few rows paid a couple of hundred dollars more than the rest of the passengers...was not my idea of a good first class experience.

Nevertheless, overall my travels to and from were hectic, mask on constantly and getting where I needed to be, much easier than riding in a car for 21 hours if traveling by car. So, air travel was what it was.

The destination was AMAZING!!! I went with my oldest , his wife and . The condo was a very upscale, bedroom, third level condo apartment. It was very nice with a fantastic view of the gulf waters, there was an amazing balcony providing a perfect place sip on morning coffee and listen the waves lapping at the white sand beach.

It was good get home. It was good sleep in my own bed. I feel recharged and ready tackle my world. Time get busy and get things done around the house that I've been putting off and putting off.

At least I have a short work week with Friday being a day off from work for the 4th of July.
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