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Toxic Positivity  

sexyldy1000 65F  
10295 posts
2/15/2021 1:04 pm
Toxic Positivity



I am one who believes in the power of positive thinking. After all, looking on the bright side is an understandable way t.o cope with difficult situations. I have seen firsthand, the consequences of being the opposite can have. However, unrealistic optimism can actually make you unhappy, unhealthy and you can come across as a jerk.

I decided t.o take a closer look into why being positive can have a negative side

Toxic positivity is a term bouncing around the internet lately, Loosely defined, it’s a forced optimism, a desire/need t.o shut down negative emotions as soon as they show up. It’s usually not the positivity itself that’s toxic. It’s the incessant need t.o feel happiness or to appear happy, that can be counter-productive.

When we insist on telling others t.o look on the bright side, all we’re doing is invalidating their experiences. People dealing with something difficult don’t necessarily want t.o be told what t.o do. What they want is for someone t.o be there and t.o listen

We can’t expect our lives t.o be endlessly positive. We need t.o learn how t.o accept our negative emotions. Humans are flawed. We get jealous, angry, resentful, and greedy.

The relationship you have with yourself is often reflected in the relationship you have with others. If you can’t be honest about your own feelings, how will you ever be able t.o handle someone else expressing real feelings to you?

For example, don't say t.o someone, “It could be worse.” You should say, “That sucks. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.” Another bad phrase is “If I can do it, so can you!”. A better option is, “Everyone’s story, abilities, limitations are different, and that’s okay.

I am sure you can think of other examples that just grate on your nerves when you hear them.

Instead of practicing toxic positivity, aim for balance and the acceptance of both good and bad emotions rather than all-or-nothing thinking. You and those around you will benefit.

Reference: Chatelaine, various websites



sexyldy1000 65F  
9606 posts
2/15/2021 1:16 pm

If someone says to me, “Everything will work out in the end", I cringe. I would much rather hear, “This is really hard, I’m thinking of you.”
What 'positive' phrases bug you?


wrMercury 44M  
1570 posts
2/15/2021 2:11 pm

"I know what you are going through" is one of the biggest lies people say. It isn't out of malice, but ignorance. You are right that people need validation and sympathy, not someone to rush through solving problems or cutting off your current emotions. My other phrase I hate is when someone says "Calm down". I actively teach people to not say that to someone in a crisis as it normally just escalates a problem when someone feels invalidated.


Tmptrzz 59F  
107038 posts
2/15/2021 2:44 pm

Great blog today as I agree we should always stay positive, even when things keep on not going our way. As well we should always support others no matter what. Being positive helps give others that uplifting support they can really use. Thanks for sharing this as I hope everyone reads this one..

I hope you enjoy your evening..

Seduce the mind and see what a wonderful adventure the body will take you on..


hippiechick1967 58F  
13154 posts
2/15/2021 3:32 pm

That, "When one door closes..." bullshit.
I cringe when I hear that. The door is closed, period.

Elevate me...


1Sexygoodguy11 57M
1897 posts
2/15/2021 5:13 pm

Excellent post.

When things are going well. Good on you. You are doing something right. When things are not going as well to be expected, that is okay, too. You just have to power through it on some days. Then there is those crazy type of days where peaks and valleys can happen multiple times during the day.

In another point, no one has ever calmed down when being told to calm down. It invalidates their feelings. Rarely do you hear, "Let it all out."

Stay Sexy My Friend.


pagancountrygirl 64F  
6466 posts
2/15/2021 7:10 pm

I'm the person what tells others "That sucks" instead of giving them the "positive phrases" you mentioned. People then look at me like I'm from another planet. lol
But you're right....they don't need to hear the empty phrases of "It will be alright", etc. I despise hearing those and I won't use them on others. When a situation sucks, it just sucks!
I've also noticed that no one seems to be angry or hate me for telling them "that sucks".

Pagan
Hmmmm....I know I left that wand around here somewhere!


Paulxx001 65M  
22616 posts
2/15/2021 7:36 pm

You're way too deep for me. lol 😂
I'll pass out the daisies and hope they flourish for a day or two.

Playing doctor is another game. 😊


Solfan55 67M
500 posts
2/16/2021 6:31 am

Great post! The extremes of behaviour are always a challenge for others and with positivity it feels forced and fake (at least to me). Balance, understanding and empathy will carry you a long way in this world we live in.

Stay safe out there sexyldy!


sexyldy1000 65F  
9606 posts
2/16/2021 12:00 pm

    Quoting wrMercury:
    "I know what you are going through" is one of the biggest lies people say. It isn't out of malice, but ignorance. You are right that people need validation and sympathy, not someone to rush through solving problems or cutting off your current emotions. My other phrase I hate is when someone says "Calm down". I actively teach people to not say that to someone in a crisis as it normally just escalates a problem when someone feels invalidated.
Those phrases are definitely ones that ring false no matter how they were intended. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your perspective.


sexyldy1000 65F  
9606 posts
2/16/2021 12:03 pm

    Quoting Tmptrzz:
    Great blog today as I agree we should always stay positive, even when things keep on not going our way. As well we should always support others no matter what. Being positive helps give others that uplifting support they can really use. Thanks for sharing this as I hope everyone reads this one..

    I hope you enjoy your evening..
There's a fine line between being positive and sincere and just saying words you think someone wants to hear or rushing to get past the negativity others are dealing with. People need to stop and listen. After all, it's why God gave us two ears and one mouth.


sexyldy1000 65F  
9606 posts
2/16/2021 12:03 pm

    Quoting hippiechick1967:
    That, "When one door closes..." bullshit.
    I cringe when I hear that. The door is closed, period.
OMG that's so true. Hear that one a lot when someone has been 'downsized'. I know I certainly did.


sexyldy1000 65F  
9606 posts
2/16/2021 12:07 pm

    Quoting 1Sexygoodguy11:
    Excellent post.

    When things are going well. Good on you. You are doing something right. When things are not going as well to be expected, that is okay, too. You just have to power through it on some days. Then there is those crazy type of days where peaks and valleys can happen multiple times during the day.

    In another point, no one has ever calmed down when being told to calm down. It invalidates their feelings. Rarely do you hear, "Let it all out."
Those are all great points you raise. Reminds me of many dealings I have had in a customer service role. When someone would be irate and start yelling, the worst thing you can do is tell them. to calm down. However, keeping a calm demeanour, using a quieter voice and repeating their name helped a lot.


sexyldy1000 65F  
9606 posts
2/16/2021 12:08 pm

    Quoting pagancountrygirl:
    I'm the person what tells others "That sucks" instead of giving them the "positive phrases" you mentioned. People then look at me like I'm from another planet. lol
    But you're right....they don't need to hear the empty phrases of "It will be alright", etc. I despise hearing those and I won't use them on others. When a situation sucks, it just sucks!
    I've also noticed that no one seems to be angry or hate me for telling them "that sucks".
Yes, isn't it true. Sometimes things just suck and they need to be acknowledged as such. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your perspective.


sexyldy1000 65F  
9606 posts
2/16/2021 12:10 pm

    Quoting Paulxx001:
    You're way too deep for me. lol 😂
    I'll pass out the daisies and hope they flourish for a day or two.

    Playing doctor is another game. 😊
Hmmm...guess that's why you have said before you are an amateur gynecologist.


sexyldy1000 65F  
9606 posts
2/16/2021 12:12 pm

    Quoting Solfan55:
    Great post! The extremes of behaviour are always a challenge for others and with positivity it feels forced and fake (at least to me). Balance, understanding and empathy will carry you a long way in this world we live in.

    Stay safe out there sexyldy!
Agree that positivity can come across simply as platitudes.
Continuing to stay safe is the only option!


PleasureSlave007 41M

2/20/2021 6:59 pm

Great post!


sexyldy1000 65F  
9606 posts
2/20/2021 7:44 pm

Thanks for stopping by and reading it


trixietrixster 54F  
3125 posts
2/25/2021 1:03 pm

Unless I've been thru something, I'll never say "I know how you feel". I mean, it's impossible for me to know this. I can never truly know what it's like. We all handle things differently, and, in our own time. All we can do is be there for someone, whether it's to listen, or, just be with them in silence. There are a lot of ways we can help someone ...

In Luv, Lite, Laffter ...


sexyldy1000 65F  
9606 posts
2/25/2021 1:55 pm

    Quoting trixietrixster:
    Unless I've been thru something, I'll never say "I know how you feel". I mean, it's impossible for me to know this. I can never truly know what it's like. We all handle things differently, and, in our own time. All we can do is be there for someone, whether it's to listen, or, just be with them in silence. There are a lot of ways we can help someone ...
I think people use some phrases with good intentions but they start to ring shallow and insincere. Thank you for sharing your perspective, I know it is heartfelt.


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