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When emotions run amuck...  

secret_lade 46F
9024 posts
7/18/2020 5:32 am
When emotions run amuck...


You know it's serious when the Spawn packs up her bag....

I got up this morning and discovered she took her Peppa Pig toothbrush, her shampoo and conditioner, and her hair brush. I wonder if I'll ever see her again.

I had a come-to-Jesus talk with the about bills and spending the other day.

I don't like doing this, but they just don't get it when I tell them... Hey! I just spent $40 on snacks for the whole week and you guys ate it all in one day! Nothing but chips and cookies and pop! And... No! I'm not spending $12 for a bottle of shampoo! I don't care if it doesn't have parabens. I just saw you washing a pair of shoes with shampoo last night! Or, my all time favorite, I am NOT buying you robux. me back you say?? I don't recall you EVER paying me back.

While they weren't happy about the talk, this was actually not the reason she packed up her bag.

Thursday was a stressful day for me at work and I ended up telling the Spawn, when I got home, "Let's just go the beach!"

And, we did.

I swam for a while, I sat on the shore for a while, I soaked up the sun. I was feeling pretty good when we were getting ready leave and told her, "Let's get ice cream!"

And, we did.

We were sitting in the living room when the Middle showed up, unexpected. He had just gotten done doing recruit training with the recruiter and had started telling me about it.

Then he looked at the Blizzard.

"Where's mine?"

"I didn't know you were coming over. I would have picked one up for you. Grab my card, go get one." I was still happy at this point.

"You really think you should be spending money on that stuff?" He was cynical.

"What?"

"Didn't you just say we need to watch spending and you can't afford all this stuff but you can spend money on that?" There went my happy....

"I work every day doing a very stressful job to take care of our needs. I work this job. If I choose to buy myself a fucking ice cream, I'm going to do it."

"That's not what you said the other day. You said you couldn't afford it."

This is when the Spawn chimed in to support her brother. There she sat, eating her Blizzard, supporting his argument.

And, I shut down. I felt absolutely devastated. I got up, threw my ice cream in the garbage, and went back to my room for the rest of the night.

And, cried... and thought about all the things I do for them... and all the ways I make their life easier.

I came to the decision that, I was no longer going to be doing it.

Before work I wrote out a note and left it on the little chalk board for them to read. I told them the best way for me to save money is to cut out the useless spending I do each month for things that are not essential.

The first cut is phones. The Spawn's phone, completely unnecessary. The Middle 's phone, he's got a job and old enough to for his own. If their dad chooses keep up the bills, good for him. I've been doing it for years, it's his turn.

Also cut, Netflix and Hulu. We won't be needing stream anything when I also cancel our internet.

The last cut was snack food. Sad, but true, I put in writing that each will get 1 bag of chips, 1 package of cookies, and 1 drink of choice last them an entire week.

This is, apparently, unacceptable as she packed up her bag last night and had the Middle come get her after work.

She didn't even tell me she was leaving.

Fantastic.

I'm sticking my guns, though, and actually doing it.

srkaficionada 67F

8/6/2020 8:34 am

    Quoting SirlickalotNM:
    I don't remember having shampoo growing up, I had to use soap. Snacks were a once in a while thing. As the parent making the money you can decide how it is spent period, not even a discussion.
Kids these days are just so fucking bold. Like little kid, do you know how much goes into crap you don’t need? The video games, the Disney and Hulu and Netflix? By the way, why the fuck do you need all three? My old ass at 36 only ever needs Disney.

And then to dictate what they want? LOL. Thankfully, I don’t have kids and wherever that future kid is, they best prepare for living like they’re in the military. Because the only thing I’m willing to waste money on is books and library cards and ONE tablet for learning(locked for all other websites not dedicated to learning).


secret_lade 46F
5820 posts
7/19/2020 2:41 am

    Quoting mc_justmc:
    I've got to admit, I bought OGX conditioner and shampoo @ $6.00 ea. And then there's the color conditioner that protects the dye, which is sometimes red, sometimes blue....... I'm weak.
You're allowed to be weak, you're their G-pa, it's an expectation.


secret_lade 46F
5820 posts
7/19/2020 2:37 am

    Quoting SirlickalotNM:
    I don't remember having shampoo growing up, I had to use soap. Snacks were a once in a while thing. As the parent making the money you can decide how it is spent period, not even a discussion.
I didn't have snacks either... We ate at meal times. Ordering pizza from a pizza place was a birthday treat. I didn't have a lot of say on what I wore, where I went, or what I ate... And I'd always said I would be different with my kids, I am. I've allowed them to become selfish.


SirlickalotNM 58M  
131 posts
7/18/2020 7:06 pm

I don't remember having shampoo growing up, I had to use soap. Snacks were a once in a while thing. As the parent making the money you can decide how it is spent period, not even a discussion.


mc_justmc 60M  
6831 posts
7/18/2020 6:05 pm

    Quoting secret_lade:
    I can't even begin to tell you how hurt I was. I can tell you one thing, I'm not buying that stupid $12 shampoo and conditioner for her anymore. Suave's going to be her new best friend!!
I've got to admit, I bought OGX conditioner and shampoo @ $6.00 ea. And then there's the color conditioner that protects the dye, which is sometimes red, sometimes blue....... I'm weak.


secret_lade 46F
5820 posts
7/18/2020 5:43 pm

    Quoting easy_going2014:
    thanks for sharing

    I hope it works out

    the stress that you are going thru will pass

    and, as you realize what you can and can't do, you are beginning to act on it

    it's hard, it won't get easier

    we are all guilty of wanting better for our children

    have a great Saturday

    be safe
It will work out... It always does.


secret_lade 46F
5820 posts
7/18/2020 5:36 pm

    Quoting citizen4722:
    Good for you in sticking to your guns. No doubt Spawn will be back soon when she needs something!
She's usually texted me by now, I haven't heard from her. They both know I'm pretty mad. You are right, she'll be back when she needs something.


secret_lade 46F
5820 posts
7/18/2020 5:31 pm

    Quoting jolielaide:
    my mother stopped helping me with my hair when i was 13yo. i knew then that nothing was ever going to come easy in life. if you wanted something, you had to figure it out bc she, being recently widowed at the time, had other fish to fry, like paying bills and keeping a roof over all our heads. i was 14yo when i got my first job and i have been working ever since. even now, as hard as i work, there are things i don't even think of doing a small splurge on and IT'S JUST ME, I DON'T HAVE KIDS.

    these are critical times and it's tough being the adult making all the hard decisions. kids today really don't understand. and it's ok, one day they will just not today.
Yes, you are right, one day they will understand. They will understand what it's like to have to pay $8000 for braces and pallet separators... and $2200 to get wisdom teeth removed.... Or the frustration of coming home to find the air conditioner running with all the windows open and hearing your kids complaining there is nothing to eat ALL the time because they're too lazy to make actual food to eat and they've eaten all the chips and cookies.


secret_lade 46F
5820 posts
7/18/2020 5:23 pm

    Quoting mc_justmc:
    Wow, I can't believe she could sit there, blizzard in hand, and go against you. Sometimes my G-girls can be very inconsiderate of my feelings and that really hurts because I'm constantly thinking of theirs.
I can't even begin to tell you how hurt I was. I can tell you one thing, I'm not buying that stupid $12 shampoo and conditioner for her anymore. Suave's going to be her new best friend!!


secret_lade 46F
5820 posts
7/18/2020 5:18 pm

    Quoting topherific:
    eventually they will understand, maybe, i've had some gut wrenching talks with my kiddos over the years it kills me to not give them everything but they never go without or went, now that the oldest is 23, love and patience wins the day good luck hugs when you need them
This is the first time this has ever happened. I ended up telling my son what I do, or don't do, with the money I earn from my job, is entirely up to me. He thought I should give up the gym so I could pay for internet...


easy_going2014 54M
14366 posts
7/18/2020 2:50 pm

thanks for sharing

I hope it works out

the stress that you are going thru will pass

and, as you realize what you can and can't do, you are beginning to act on it

it's hard, it won't get easier

we are all guilty of wanting better for our children

have a great Saturday

be safe

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Good luck!!!


citizen4722 63M  
69896 posts
7/18/2020 1:29 pm

Good for you in sticking to your guns. No doubt Spawn will be back soon when she needs something!


jolielaide 49F  
1555 posts
7/18/2020 12:00 pm

my mother stopped helping me with my hair when i was 13yo. i knew then that nothing was ever going to come easy in life. if you wanted something, you had to figure it out bc she, being recently widowed at the time, had other fish to fry, like paying bills and keeping a roof over all our heads. i was 14yo when i got my first job and i have been working ever since. even now, as hard as i work, there are things i don't even think of doing a small splurge on and IT'S JUST ME, I DON'T HAVE KIDS.

these are critical times and it's tough being the adult making all the hard decisions. kids today really don't understand. and it's ok, one day they will just not today.


mc_justmc 60M  
6831 posts
7/18/2020 11:55 am

Wow, I can't believe she could sit there, blizzard in hand, and go against you. Sometimes my G-girls can be very inconsiderate of my feelings and that really hurts because I'm constantly thinking of theirs.


topherific 58M
4833 posts
7/18/2020 8:18 am

eventually they will understand, maybe, i've had some gut wrenching talks with my kiddos over the years it kills me to not give them everything but they never go without or went, now that the oldest is 23, love and patience wins the day good luck hugs when you need them


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