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Ramblings of the depraved.....
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And... She's off!!
Posted:Jan 8, 2021 4:02 am
Last Updated:Jan 9, 2021 5:55 pm

I received a bizarre phone call yesterday....

When the Ex Mother-in-law's memory depleted to the point that she no longer remembered any of her and had started to become combative, requiring the aid of a full time nurse, the ex family decided it was time to put her in assisted living.

It was a very sad day as my ex husband had been the last, remaining she could remember and that was now gone as well...

He was simply The Gray Haired Guy.

For her, the memory issues really prevent her from understanding the fact that she will not be seeing any family or friends until the COVID restrictions are lifted... She doesn't remember them.

For the family, this has been tough.

So, it was surprising to me to receive a phone call from an aide at the assisted living facility yesterday.

For starters, I'm not even a part of the family anymore.

Apparently the Ex Mother-in-law had staged an escape....

She picked her moment, knocked down her aide, and made a break for the door!

The 87 year old, 4'11", 90lb woman was on the run!

To her plan's demise, however, the doors have locking features on them preventing patients from being able to leave unattended. She is, after all, living in an assisted living facility where all of the occupants are experience memory issues.

How does this involve me?

Well, she'd apparently revisited a time, in her mind, when she had been needed to pick my oldest up from school while I was at a doctor's appointment.

She was inconsolable and they were hoping that a conversation with me could help.

I did talk to her.... And, whether it helped or not, I don't know. Over and over she had said she tried to pick up [oldest ], I could hear the despair in her voice.

I finally cut her off and reassured her that she had. I thanked her for being such a caring Grandma and appreciated all her help.

"I did?"

"Yep, you did. Remember? Pat gave you my lunch tab for [oldest ] and you lectured me about it. You said I should always pay extra because I don't know when he might want to have a little breakfast at school."

"Oh, I did. Did you pay that $5.25? I was going to give it to Pat but I didn't bring my purse in with me."

I couldn't help but chuckle a little..

"Yes, I gave Pat a $20 bill today when I dropped him off at school."

And, that was it....

At that point she'd handed the phone to her aide and the conversation was done.

I know I'm not a part of the family anymore, but this is just heartbreaking for me...

I hope to God I never have to experience the same memory issues she is going thought now.
How big is your pickle?
Posted:Jan 7, 2021 5:23 pm
Last Updated:Jan 26, 2021 1:42 pm

I ordered a sandwich for lunch today from the Freaky Fast people....

Pickle on the side.

"Oh my God, that's a giant pickle. I just wasn't expecting it to be so big...."

It took 2 hands just to hold that damn pickle.... It would have taken an axe to cut that bad into pickle spears.

"I don't think I'm going to be able to fit this thing in my mouth."

From the corner of the break room I heard the Hipster Beard burst out laughing.

"Do you know how hard it has been to not comment on that!!"

I was now laughing too.

"That's the first time I've ever heard a woman complain that the pickle is too big."

"It all depends on where you've got to put the pickle."

And, that was all she wrote. Everyone within earshot of the conversation was now dying and laughter could be heard out on the sales floor.

I don't think I can ever look at a pickle the same way again.
My workday, hour one...
Posted:Jan 7, 2021 4:00 am
Last Updated:Jan 7, 2021 4:53 pm

If I hadn't known any better, I would have thought yesterday was a Monday.

I always arrive to work early.

I sit in my car and listen to the music turned up... Psyching myself up for what will probably be a very stressful day. Most of my workdays are stressful. I wait until the last possible minute to walk in, waiting in a lot of cases, for other employees to exit their cars and head in before me.

I hate making idle chit chat with people.

As usual, someone had remained hidden in their car waiting for me to emerge from my own....

Cause, as usual, they just have a 'quick' question.

"Hey, I've been waiting for you. I just have a quick question, I'll walk in with you."

Oh, Jesus Christ, what is wrong with people???


Fifteen minutes later they are still telling me about their knee replacement surgery and how they are happy to finally be able to have it done.

Quick question nowhere in sight....

I have a fucking routine people, a list of things that I do every work morning to get myself set for the day.

"What was your question again?"

"Oh, yah! I almost forgot! I need to be off work for six weeks, what do I need to do?"


Still headed to my desk, haven't even been able to punch in yet. I did, however, make it to the COVID intake table to get my temp taken.

"Oh good, you're here!"

Ugh... Another 'quick question'.

"I have done a [training] course three times now and the system won't register it as completed. I really don't want to do it again, it's like an hour long."

"Did you call ITS Support and explain to them your issue?"

"No, I wanted to run it by you first."

Really?? What am I, a fucking miracle worker?

Still in my coat and boots, I follow him to the computer lab to log in and show me the defunct training.

"Yep, looks like something you need to call ITS Support for. It's not a big deal, I used to have to do this for [Boss #1] all the time because he would always manage to screw up his training."

"Do you think they'll fix it?"

What ARE you, a fucking moron??

"Yes. I need to get my boots and coat off, I'm roasting."

Unlocking my office door, trudging through....

My phone is already ringing, it's the customer contact center.

"Hi [applicant] I hear you're having issues with your background consent?"

"Yah, it won't let me in."

After a few minutes of research, it turns out Moron #2 did not use a real email address when he created his application and now that we are moving him through the hire process he is not receiving the email links for him to complete said background consent.

"Why didn't you use your real email address? Now that the process is started, I am unable to go in and modify any information."

"I didn't want to get a ton of junk emails."

A ton of junk emails you say.....

Apparently you didn't want to get any of the necessary, useful emails as well. Looks like you get to start over from scratch douchebag.

Wanting a job, but not liking what I had to say, I could hear him biting his tongue on the other end of the line.

"Ok, so, when you get your new profile set up, give me a call back. We can go from there."

Still no call back from Moron #2.

Moron #1 was excited to report ITS Support was able to fix his issue and complete out his training with no issue what-so-ever....


Imagine that.... Something I told you would happen, happened. I'm a miracle worker.

And, there you have it.

8am became 9am before I even knew it.
Things that people share with me...
Posted:Jan 5, 2021 3:35 am
Last Updated:Jan 6, 2021 9:49 pm

The Chronic Oversharer

We ALL have this coworker. No topic too personal, no conversation too awkward.

For them, anyway....

I was in my office when one of the new peeps decided to stop in and show me her new hair cut.

"Oh, wow! You went short! That's quite a change."

I was trying not to sound as shocked as I felt. This woman had done an all-on Britney spears shaving her head thing, dying what was left of her hair blond.

"I did it myself. I figure, I go to Walmart to get my hair cut and they never do what I want them to do, they just do this anyway, so I did it myself."

"Oh, you went blond too."

"Yah, I decided it was time for a change."

It was at this point her cell phone started ringing so she excused herself to take the call.

Hoping like hell that was the end of the conversation, I went back to the spreadsheet I was working on and she stepped out of my office.

She didn't go far....

It was a bill collector that had called her and she paced back and forth outside my office setting up a payment plan with God knows who over God knows what.

"Bill collectors.... Sheesh..."

Shit, she's back.


Not quite sure what to say, I kept it short.

The next thing I knew, I was hearing her life story about the multiple hospitalizations she'd experience because of her bi-polar incidents and how they'd racked up a thousand dollar light bill.

"There was a lady at my church that had gotten with the pastor and had wanted to help someone in need by paying a bill and he'd put her in touch with me. Only, she said my bill was too high so she didn't even help at all. You would have thought she'd put a little toward it at least."

Awkward..... Silence.....

This is the same woman who just told me she spent $50 making a Nacho Table and they only ate a quarter of the nachos. She even showed me picture proof...

Put that money toward your bill!!

"It may have felt like an overwhelming amount to her."

Or, this woman knows you well enough that she felt her money was more needed elsewhere.

I'll be honest, I have a hard time feeling sorry for people who are not financially responsible and exercise common sense when paying their bills.

This is a married woman in a two-income household....

If I've managed to make it as a single mom for the past 9 years with multiple at home, one of which was in and out of the hospital 3 times during that time, I would think between her husband and herself they could come up with a way to pay their bills.

And, I'm thinking that would start by refraining from $50 Wednesday night nacho tables....
Good morning Monday!
Posted:Jan 4, 2021 2:50 am
Last Updated:Jan 5, 2021 2:19 pm

What better way start the day than a cat claw the lip!


That's definitely a first for ....

We don't call her the Tillinator for nothing!

Next on her agenda?

Find Sarah Connor, destroy her new cat toy, nap on the couch, trample Tokyo.

So, I realized yesterday, when I was doing my rolling- stop grocery pick- order...

That was the first time I'd left my apartment weekend...

When I got home from work Thursday I put my pajamas and that was she wrote.

With the pandemic social distancing and the closing of everything....

of the stuff I used do in my free time just feels like ancient history.

Time to start researching some winter destinations and finding reasons to get out and go.

I've also been considering getting back to the gym again. Now that the virus isn't cycling around my workplace anymore, I don't feel like I could potentially spread it to others at the gym.

Today sounds like the day to give them a call and get activated again!

Happy Monday!
It's January 2nd....
Posted:Jan 2, 2021 3:59 pm
Last Updated:Jan 5, 2021 2:27 am

Two days into the new year and I've already received the 'last minute cancelled plans' !


What better way to start the year off right....

Going forward, going to this kind of stuff as a sign, a red flag. The saying is true, if someone really wants to spend time with you...

They will find a way.

done investing my time in people who aren't invested in me.

It's time for a change.
Posting now, straight from the bubble bath....
Posted:Jan 1, 2021 5:58 pm
Last Updated:Jan 7, 2021 3:24 am
So, I had the day off today!

Perfect day to get drunk on mimosas by noon and nap until 5:18 pm....

It's amazing, really.

I'm currently sitting in my tub, listening to Journey singing about the small town , waiting for my charcoal/clay exfoliating mask dry.

I feel like 2021 is going be a good year!

At least, it's my goal make it so....

I finally ended up blocking Mr. Roadglidemw.... should have done that months ago. I'm not quite sure what I did get him so pissed, but his new profile pic is one of him flipping off the camera. I had no idea I could insight such hostility in 2 simple responses.

Not going let it get me down though....

Cause, I know, I'm a good person.

I may have a dirty mind and like do naughty stuff, but I have a good heart.


It's a new year!

Time for a fresh start! Who's with me?!?

Day 3 Update
Posted:Dec 31, 2020 3:39 am
Last Updated:Jan 2, 2021 4:23 am
I'm please report, the bruise is healing nicely.

I did take it easy last night and kept it elevated and corned....

Yah, I said corned!

I took a bag of frozen corn out of the freezer and crunched it a little so it would mold around my thigh.

Worked like a charm!

And, it gave a reason cook something containing CORN!

Plus, Plus!!

that leg elevating gave the free time look a recipe for a chili con carne that was very tasty!

On an unrelated side note...

It's been a while since I've seen an article or story anywhere of Jesus appearing in a tree knot or piece of toast so, I've done an close and personal of my injured leg. Perhaps he is there?

Happy Thursday
Today's AgoraCosmopolitan Dating Highlights
Posted:Dec 29, 2020 10:44 pm
Last Updated:Dec 31, 2020 3:55 pm

A huge thank you goes to Roadglidemw (don't worry, I have not shared his entire screenname for terms and conditions sake) for being the most persistent asshole on AgoraCosmopolitan Dating today!

And, for that....

You get the honors of having an entire blog post dedicated to you!


May you one day receive the same wonderful compliment you bestowed upon me...

very interested I would like to know more about you and of course see a picture least
1/3/2018 6:43 pm

Do you have other pictures other than your feet
7/20/2020 6:31 pm

8/31/2020 7:41 pm

Feet really
/26/2020 2:05 pm

Why does it matter what I use as a profile pic?
/26/2020 6:22 pm

It doesn't, just wanted to see your face
/29/2020 :53 pm

Sorry about my other text, can I see a picture please
/7/2020 6:44 pm

[Phone Number] [Name] lets just chat
//2020 7: pm

Can I see a picture or atleast a body picture pretty please
/29/2020 7:45 pm

sorry, but not going to share a picture with you.
/29/2020 7:55 pm

/29/2020 :05 pm

not touching your feet weirdo
/29/2020 :06 pm

Especially with huge angles
/29/2020 :07 pm

Fucking retard
/30/2020 : am

I have not asked you to touch anything, not do I want you to. I have not reached out to you nor solicited anything from you. I do, however, have a blog following on here that will now get the opportunity to see what type of behavior you bestow upon others.
/30/2020 1:18 am
What could be more attractive than a giant bruise on my upper thigh?
Posted:Dec 29, 2020 4:37 pm
Last Updated:Dec 31, 2020 3:57 pm
It truly is a sight to behold....

All injured and painful, it's going to be a disgusting little sight when it finally starts to heal.

At this point... It hasn't even finished turning purple yet. I'm kind of afraid to see what it will look like tomorrow!

This is all Deputy Don's fault for putting 8 table tops on a cart and expecting me to hold them up while he makes a 90 degree turn into a door.

Of COURSE this would end in disaster with me trying to save them from falling everywhere.

Save them... I did not.

Everywhere.... They went!


What did he expect?? They weighed, like, a thousand pounds!

Day 1

Day 2

Can't WAIT to see what day 3 looks like....
I am woman, hear me roar!
Posted:Dec 28, 2020 4:30 pm
Last Updated:Dec 30, 2020 3:49 am

The break room tables I ordered last week came today...

Unassembled and without any predrilled holes for assembly.


In true office girl form, I accepted this challenge and set out to take on this project head on.

With the help of Deputy Don, 9 break room tables (in pieces) were removed from 18 boxes and assembled in a 2 hour span.

I am now a complete fan of power drills! Fun!!

Boss #2 had asked in the 2 o'clock meeting for volunteers help , but the fucktards I work with were all 'too busy' to do any helping...

It's amazing how many of them found the time to come back and check out the progress, though.

You can stand around and bullshit for 20 minutes but you couldn't take 20 minutes to put a table together with me?


I'll be remembering that the next time someone comes to me for help.

Happy Monday!
Look at me... All fancy and shit!
Posted:Dec 27, 2020 2:52 pm
Last Updated:Jan 14, 2021 10:52 pm
It's like, I'm not even in my own kitchen anymore!

For Christmas this year my Middle gave a pc set of Cuisinart pots and pans.

I have never owned a matching set of pots and pans...

Let alone decent ones.

Not going lie...

It brought some tears these eyes.

I've always been that person that just made due with what I had and if I needed something, I'd go buy it. So, I literally spent the majority of my adult life with mismatched fry pans and pots with lost lids.

In a strange way....

I feel just a little bit more like a bona fide, put-together adult.

Fancy dishes... Check!

Fancy knife bloc.. Check!

Fancy cookware... Check Check!!

Now I just need master a few decent recipes and find someone cook for who will appreciate my cooking!

Cause, unless it's mac and cheese, the Spawn ain't eating it....

Happy Sunday!
Quote of the Day
Posted:Dec 26, 2020 10:39 pm
Last Updated:Dec 28, 2020 3:37 am
"Why is Judge Judy the cover of so many magazines?"

The Spawn and I were at the check out waiting for the customer ahead of us to finish .

Glancing around....

"What magazines are you looking at? I don't see her anywhere."

", I thought that was Judge Judy."

She was looking at pictures of Ruth Bader Ginsburg....

We both burst out laughing, not gonna lie.

"How on earth did you think that was Judge Judy??"

"Have you seen her lately? She changed her hair. Not for the better, I might add...."

Which brings the quote of the day...

"When I become important, I'd better not look like a fashion emergency."

-Spawn 2020

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