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Lowering the Curtain... Do Any of Us Have a Real Choice... ๐Ÿค”โ—  

Paulxx001 63M
8440 posts
12/11/2020 10:44 am

Last Read:
12/22/2020 8:22 am

Lowering the Curtain... Do Any of Us Have a Real Choice... ๐Ÿค”โ—

We asked her how she'd do it; his sister had worked out a spurious plan. She persuaded the nurses he wanted fresh air and wheeled him down the halls and into the van and along the road toward that church basement. That's where we all waited; where we all met him, to say goodbye.

Tony was the most violent drummer I'd ever met. His cascading rolls and sick frills were epic. Things he did on his drum kit - I could only dream of replicating. He, of course, was surprised to see us all there; 10 of his closest friends, musicians mostly. The beer flowed while the music played and we toasted meaningless invocations to his health; irrelevant pagan rituals born of habit.

Tony grinned from ear to ear as we all regaled him in stories and adventures we'd shared. Each of us had a moment or two, where we spoke with him and clutched his shoulder or arm and exchanged a thought. For a while we'd all forgotten why we were there; the beer had dimmed reality, and we were convinced there'd be a ' next time'

When he had to leave, he lifted his frail arms and waved. Tears spilt from his sunken eyes, but we knew he was happy. His sister bit her lip and tried to smile... she failed and inhaled a sob as she nodded to us and pushed his chair back to the van. We stood there and waved for the last time; then hung around till the beer was gone, and the vodka... and then the whisky. We were in that hall for a long while talking about Tony, retelling tales we'd all told before.

Tony passed away peacefully a month ago, with only his sister by his side. I was at home working when I got the message, but I wasn't sad. I smiled, knowing I'd had a chance to see him one last time - some folks these days aren't as lucky. I can't think of anything worse than being alone without a chance to say goodbye.

Choices - none of us has them when it comes to that final curtain, do we?

................................



Paulxx001 63M
18275 posts
12/11/2020 10:49 am

Tony played a white set of Rogers.
The picture you see is of my drum kit - TAMA - taken a couple of years ago at one of my gigs. ๐Ÿ˜Ž


Paulxx001 63M
18275 posts
12/11/2020 10:50 am

Am I morbid or do you think about stuff like this?๐Ÿค”


flannel_light 58F  
2183 posts
12/11/2020 11:13 am

We all had a choice but now since covid has came in that destroyed our choice and our rights

The light of the lighthouse calms me.

flannel_light


author51 58F
109753 posts
12/11/2020 11:21 am

and this so made me cry my fellow drummer..So sorry for your loss my friend. I lost one of my nearest and dearest on Sunday and wish I could have said goodbye in person and not just messages.... I truly am sorry for your loss but happy you have some wonderful memories of your friend Hun..xoxoxoxo

One can never have enough JOY in their life..

FRISKY FRIDAY SHE IS A LADY


scoupe42 57M  
10287 posts
12/11/2020 11:27 am

Sorry about your loss, seem he was talented and a good person. By saying your good byes before they die, help with the healing process. Thanks for sharing this story with us


lust4life59 62F  
1398 posts
12/11/2020 12:30 pm

    Quoting Paulxx001:
    Am I morbid or do you think about stuff like this?๐Ÿค”
When you have gone through it with someone like I have, I don't think it's morbid at all. WHen my husband came from from the hospital his last time, I basically held open house so his friends could visit one last time. At first I kept thinking it was for "him", what he wanted, which he did, but in the end it meant more to his friends to be able to say their goodbyes. They too spent a lot of time gathered out on the deck, swapping stories and telling tales about him, some from his brothers which I had never heard.


1seeking1 55F
3441 posts
12/11/2020 1:44 pm

Sorry for your loss, nice that there was a chance to say good bye.


LadyLuck2 64F  
8934 posts
12/11/2020 2:01 pm

You're not morbid by any means. I'm in a fairly unique situation and will learn what my survival chances are next week. I want to know. I want to know how much time I will have to get my life in order. It's a subtraction issue. What shape will I be in a month before or two months before? So I need to plan backwards. I have a great friend who lives in AZ. She calls and we visit about lots of nothing but she gloms on to the topic and relates to what's being said and we both end up laughing because it reminds us of one of our many adventures. Your friend was lucky to have that time with all of you to visit, laugh, and to know he won't be forgotten. Have a great weekend!

Never ignore those who care for you
you will have lost diamonds
while you were collecting stones


GhostofH 62M
20941 posts
12/11/2020 2:06 pm

Sorry for your loss.... at least he got a send off from friends and family he could appreciate..... well done!


Paulxx001 63M
18275 posts
12/11/2020 3:16 pm

    Quoting flannel_light:
    We all had a choice but now since covid has came in that destroyed our choice and our rights
That bug has certainly limited our choices - that's for sure.
With the vaccine coming soon, that should help - right? ๐Ÿค”


Paulxx001 63M
18275 posts
12/11/2020 3:19 pm

    Quoting author51:
    and this so made me cry my fellow drummer..So sorry for your loss my friend. I lost one of my nearest and dearest on Sunday and wish I could have said goodbye in person and not just messages.... I truly am sorry for your loss but happy you have some wonderful memories of your friend Hun..xoxoxoxo
Sorry for your loss as well.
At least I got to see my buddy. Still it was a bitter sweet time spent with him.
Damn was he a crazy drummer. So loud and powerful. The whole stage would vibrate when he played. lol ๐Ÿ˜‚ ๐Ÿ˜ฎ


Paulxx001 63M
18275 posts
12/11/2020 3:22 pm

    Quoting scoupe42:
    Sorry about your loss, seem he was talented and a good person. By saying your good byes before they die, help with the healing process. Thanks for sharing this story with us
He was both - talented and a nice person. He had a really kind heart.
It's rare to say goodbye to someone before they're gone. Have you ever happened to experience anything similar? ๐Ÿค”


Paulxx001 63M
18275 posts
12/11/2020 3:25 pm

    Quoting lust4life59:
    When you have gone through it with someone like I have, I don't think it's morbid at all. WHen my husband came from from the hospital his last time, I basically held open house so his friends could visit one last time. At first I kept thinking it was for "him", what he wanted, which he did, but in the end it meant more to his friends to be able to say their goodbyes. They too spent a lot of time gathered out on the deck, swapping stories and telling tales about him, some from his brothers which I had never heard.
It sounds pretty much what we did that day. And you're right - it was for us as much as it was for him.
Did any of those stories surprise you? ๐Ÿค”


Paulxx001 63M
18275 posts
12/11/2020 3:27 pm

    Quoting 1seeking1:
    Sorry for your loss, nice that there was a chance to say good bye.
Thanks and true... it was nice to say goodbye.
Have you ever had a similar experience? ๐Ÿค”


Paulxx001 63M
18275 posts
12/11/2020 3:30 pm

    Quoting LadyLuck2:
    You're not morbid by any means. I'm in a fairly unique situation and will learn what my survival chances are next week. I want to know. I want to know how much time I will have to get my life in order. It's a subtraction issue. What shape will I be in a month before or two months before? So I need to plan backwards. I have a great friend who lives in AZ. She calls and we visit about lots of nothing but she gloms on to the topic and relates to what's being said and we both end up laughing because it reminds us of one of our many adventures. Your friend was lucky to have that time with all of you to visit, laugh, and to know he won't be forgotten. Have a great weekend!
Your situation certainly is unique.
Working backwards... I never thought about it like that, but that's the way you have to look at it.
Wishing you luck sounds hollow.
I hope you manage your curtain at your time and on your terms. โ—๐Ÿ˜Ž


Paulxx001 63M
18275 posts
12/11/2020 3:32 pm

    Quoting GhostofH:
    Sorry for your loss.... at least he got a send off from friends and family he could appreciate..... well done!
It was a sad yet happy time had by all.
It was the first time I've ever been part of something like that.
Have you? ๐Ÿค”
Now, I could tell you about some great wakes I've been to... lol ๐Ÿ˜‚ Epic! ๐Ÿ‘


jajo696 66F  
3057 posts
12/11/2020 3:33 pm

No....its not morbid....not at all. As someone who has experienced great loss...you know my thoughts are pervasive at times...you read my blogs and know this. Your send off...sounds like the best and i just know he appreciated that time with all of you. People need that....it helps in the process of loss. Altho this story brought tears....i loved it. Thank you for sharing. You write well...i felt as if i were there. No...we dont have choices for that final curtain, you all did that curtain call as best as could be. Im immersed in sorrow for your loss. Tony sounds like one of the good ones~~


smartasswoman 63F  
33980 posts
12/11/2020 4:04 pm

I think that final get-together was a wonderful gift. I've heard of other situations where someone engineers a sort of "wake" before the person dies - it seems like a great idea to me. Why not be able to hear people's stories and tributes?

I've not experienced anything exactly like that, but I did get to be with each of my parents during their last few days.


Paulxx001 63M
18275 posts
12/11/2020 5:06 pm

    Quoting jajo696:
    No....its not morbid....not at all. As someone who has experienced great loss...you know my thoughts are pervasive at times...you read my blogs and know this. Your send off...sounds like the best and i just know he appreciated that time with all of you. People need that....it helps in the process of loss. Altho this story brought tears....i loved it. Thank you for sharing. You write well...i felt as if i were there. No...we dont have choices for that final curtain, you all did that curtain call as best as could be. Im immersed in sorrow for your loss. Tony sounds like one of the good ones~~
I do read your blog, but I must admit that I can barely relate to the devastating losses you've experienced in the recent past. It does take my breath away and saddens me.
Tony was a great guy that I'd known for more than 40 years and his personality was as gregarious as his style on the drums.
We had a great time, all things considered.
I wonder if I'll have that same privilege or will I just get hit by lightning one day - while snacking a golf ball around.
Life... ya never know, do ya? lol ๐Ÿ˜‚
Thanks for popping in; I'll be more jolly next time. I promise! ๐Ÿ‘ ๐Ÿ˜Š


mc_justmc 60M  
6881 posts
12/11/2020 5:22 pm

Sorry to hear about your friend. I think about death from time to time.


Paulxx001 63M
18275 posts
12/11/2020 5:41 pm

    Quoting smartasswoman:
    I think that final get-together was a wonderful gift. I've heard of other situations where someone engineers a sort of "wake" before the person dies - it seems like a great idea to me. Why not be able to hear people's stories and tributes?

    I've not experienced anything exactly like that, but I did get to be with each of my parents during their last few days.
I'd like to have one of 'those', before I go - sounds like a lot of fun, notwithstanding the theme.
You were lucky to be with your parents. โ—


Paulxx001 63M
18275 posts
12/11/2020 5:51 pm

    Quoting mc_justmc:
    Sorry to hear about your friend. I think about death from time to time.
My buddy was one wild dude.
Yep I think about it as well.
That's all I plan on doing. ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿค”โ—


superbjversion2 65F
21839 posts
12/11/2020 7:36 pm

No, you're not morbid. Unless you sit around reading obituaries. I think it's wonderful to give your friend that final blessing of friendship while he was alive to appreciate it.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Sex is to Fun as Square is to Rectangle


Paulxx001 replies on 12/11/2020 8:28 pm:
I think I this should be the way to go... throw yourself a party! ๐Ÿ‘ ๐Ÿ˜Š

Paulxx001 63M
18275 posts
12/11/2020 8:20 pm

    Quoting superbjversion2:
    No, you're not morbid. Unless you sit around reading obituaries. I think it's wonderful to give your friend that final blessing of friendship while he was alive to appreciate it.

    I'm sorry for your loss.
Thank you. ๐ŸŒน
This all took place just at the start of the bug. He endured longer than anyone would have predicted. Sad, that he was alone for his last few but he was happy when we all met.
He was a nice man - always smiling and in a good mood.
I think ya woulda liked him. โ—โ—๐Ÿ˜Š


anastasia666 42F  
2152 posts
12/11/2020 10:25 pm

Dear Paul,

I am so sorry for your loss..I will send up some extra prayers for your dear friend.. As long as you remember them, they have not left you. Let the memories of him lift your spirits.

I think especially after this virus year, everyone is thinking about Death..At holiday times it can intensify,

My deepest condolences on your Loss,

Hugs,

Ana6

I done made the devil a deal
He made me pretty
He made me smart


Paulxx001 63M
18275 posts
12/11/2020 11:11 pm

    Quoting anastasia666:
    Dear Paul,

    I am so sorry for your loss..I will send up some extra prayers for your dear friend.. As long as you remember them, they have not left you. Let the memories of him lift your spirits.

    I think especially after this virus year, everyone is thinking about Death..At holiday times it can intensify,

    My deepest condolences on your Loss,

    Hugs,

    Ana6
Thank you for your thoughts and prayers.
Although... I don't want to make it seem THAT dramatic. We had the privilege of saying goodbye, in the form of a party.
And that was the question; don't we all deserve that party BEFORE the CURTAIN comes down? ๐Ÿค”
I mean, wouldn't it be great if we had one big bash while we were still alive to enjoy it?
Thanks for sharing your kind words. ๐ŸŒนโ—๐Ÿ˜Ž


lust4life59 62F  
1398 posts
12/12/2020 8:21 am

    Quoting Paulxx001:
    It sounds pretty much what we did that day. And you're right - it was for us as much as it was for him.
    Did any of those stories surprise you? ๐Ÿค”
Some of his brother's stories surprised me, I had never heard them before. For his memorial service that was a couple of months after his death, it was a very informal type service, cookout on the property, on Memorial Day weekend, just like we had every year when he was alive. A young woman that was like a daughter to him gave his eulegy, and that morphed into everyone one by one coming forward and telling strories about him. THose I were surprised at, the generosity of his time and support for others that I was never aware of because he never felt the need to advertise it, not even to me.


Paulxx001 63M
18275 posts
12/12/2020 9:56 am

    Quoting lust4life59:
    Some of his brother's stories surprised me, I had never heard them before. For his memorial service that was a couple of months after his death, it was a very informal type service, cookout on the property, on Memorial Day weekend, just like we had every year when he was alive. A young woman that was like a daughter to him gave his eulegy, and that morphed into everyone one by one coming forward and telling strories about him. THose I were surprised at, the generosity of his time and support for others that I was never aware of because he never felt the need to advertise it, not even to me.
Wow... Not even to you. THAT, would have taken me back as well.
Sounds like a heartfelt time was had by everyone. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. โ—๐ŸŒน๐Ÿ˜Š


sexyldy1000 60F  
7768 posts
12/12/2020 11:34 am

Many people are uncomfortable talking about death and how they want their end to happen. Recently, I saw a documentary about a Canadian doctor with a degenerative disease. She went through all the steps for an assisted suicide (the MAID -Medical Assistance in Dying Ac) was passed in 2016. The support and love from her closest friends, family and the medical community was remarkable. Her courage and determination, inspirational. Her organs were also successfully donated which was her fervent wish. Her legacy will never be forgotten.

Stimulate my mind and let's see what happens
To Be Successful You Have To Try


Paulxx001 63M
18275 posts
12/12/2020 6:37 pm

    Quoting sexyldy1000:
    Many people are uncomfortable talking about death and how they want their end to happen. Recently, I saw a documentary about a Canadian doctor with a degenerative disease. She went through all the steps for an assisted suicide (the MAID -Medical Assistance in Dying Ac) was passed in 2016. The support and love from her closest friends, family and the medical community was remarkable. Her courage and determination, inspirational. Her organs were also successfully donated which was her fervent wish. Her legacy will never be forgotten.
Dr. Shelly Sarwalโ€™s story of taking control of her destiny will leave a lasting legacy. ๐ŸŒนโ—


sexyldy1000 60F  
7768 posts
12/12/2020 7:21 pm

    Quoting Paulxx001:
    Dr. Shelly Sarwalโ€™s story of taking control of her destiny will leave a lasting legacy. ๐ŸŒนโ—
Wow! I am impressed that you figured out who I was referring to. Watching her story, also reminded me why my Mother had made it clear to me about what she didn't want to happen when her time came. I made sure her wishes were followed. My son put together a continuous loop musical track of all her favourite songs and also wrote a poem which he read at her service. My daughter knows my wishes also.

Stimulate my mind and let's see what happens
To Be Successful You Have To Try


Paulxx001 63M
18275 posts
12/12/2020 9:40 pm

    Quoting sexyldy1000:
    Wow! I am impressed that you figured out who I was referring to. Watching her story, also reminded me why my Mother had made it clear to me about what she didn't want to happen when her time came. I made sure her wishes were followed. My son put together a continuous loop musical track of all her favourite songs and also wrote a poem which he read at her service. My daughter knows my wishes also.
Hmmm... Sounds like you have a handle on it. ๐Ÿค”
I've picked the music but that's about it.
Absolutely no ABBA... over my dead body, FFS!


PonyGirl1965 55F
14151 posts
12/12/2020 10:48 pm

What a great send off! We all have to go. Getting to say goodbye is a blessing.


Paulxx001 63M
18275 posts
12/12/2020 11:24 pm

    Quoting PonyGirl1965:
    What a great send off! We all have to go. Getting to say goodbye is a blessing.
Getting to say goodbye IS a blessing; one that few of get to choose.
I joke about getting struck by lightning playing golf; that better not be my excuse - FFS! lol ๐Ÿ˜‚
So... if you knew your destiny - would you throw one last party? ๐Ÿค”


BeccaLuvs 58F  
19417 posts
12/13/2020 12:57 pm

Glad you got the chance, and so great you got to "say g'bye" Paul. That, "the end" is where none of us really have "a choice", the end has to happen to us all, but seems like your friend had a good life, and good friends! Also so great you play the drums, hope you still do?!

..... And always 'hold onto all those sexy thoughts'!
(Remember if you feel like taking part in some sexy fun then click here!) Come on Some Sketch Fun
And Now How About 39Me39 Watching 39You39 If you39d like that Please Comment - So if you would like - click here as well!


Paulxx001 63M
18275 posts
12/13/2020 9:12 pm

    Quoting BeccaLuvs:
    Glad you got the chance, and so great you got to "say g'bye" Paul. That, "the end" is where none of us really have "a choice", the end has to happen to us all, but seems like your friend had a good life, and good friends! Also so great you play the drums, hope you still do?!
I started playing in a band when I was 17 and have never stopped.
Do you play an instrument or have a skill you're keeping to yourself? ๐Ÿค”

My point here was, wouldn't it be great if we KNEW - then we could throw that one last great party. Would you? โ—๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿ‘


Paulxx001 63M
18275 posts
12/14/2020 8:14 am

    Quoting  :

OMG, I hope not! โ—โ—โ—
He'd DROWN them out... lol ๐Ÿ˜‚
He was a wild percussionist and a kind soul.


Paulxx001 63M
18275 posts
12/14/2020 4:27 pm

    Quoting  :

Having had the privilege of saying good bye made his passing easier to take. It was a fine send off, to a great fellow.
Thanks for popping in. Drop by any time. โ—๐Ÿ˜Ž


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