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Is He A Player??  

GreenEyedLady_60 60F
1903 posts
6/8/2017 3:11 pm
Is He A Player??


So this post is more for the ladies, but if any gentlemen want to chime in with some thoughts….feel free!

I really do LOVE men...but I absolutely can’t stand liars and men that just wanna play games with a woman’s head or heart!!

*********Just To Clarify A Bit********

These signs are more worrisome if one is looking to have a long term, committed relationship...as opposed to casual sex or simple hook ups!

***********************************************************************

Some men are trustworthy……..Some men are not. (as are women..YES..I get that)

It’s amazing how many women who are highly intelligent, beautiful, kind, smart, witty and bright, get so easily duped by players.

Players know how to say the right things, how to hook you by telling you want they think you want to hear. Generally if you say no to sex they loose interest pretty fast in you. However some will hang around feeding you all the right lines, then if you cave in they sometimes will rapidly lose interest as they are addicted to the chase not you. You are the lucky ones then!!


Some Signs He Could Be A Player


Out of Sight-Out of Mind

If a guy's really into you, he makes concrete plans and follows up. A player is only interested when you're physically in front of him! If he fucks you and forgets you until he wants you again,he most likely has another woman on the hook!

You Haven't Met His Friends or Family

MAJOR warning sign: If he has lots of other women he's hanging out with, he's not going to introduce you to his group of friends or certainly not his family! That opens up the chances that someone could spill the beans, that you're not the only one in his life. And that would seriously mess with his game!

IF He Does Introduce You - He Won't Drop The G-Word.

When you’re out with your man, does he introduce you as his girlfriend? Have you noticed he either introduces you as his “friend” or simply by your first name?If he’s not calling you his girlfriend, you’re not his girlfriend. He doesn’t want people around him to get the wrong idea and think he’s off the market. If he’s avoiding the discussion, he’s never going to make moves.
He’s just going to keep stringing you along for the ride. He’s not interested in being tied down by a label.


He’s Cheated Before

Once a cheater, always a cheater. If you have recently started dating a guy, and you know his last relationship ended because he cheated, the probability of him cheating again is pretty high.
If you happen to be the “other woman,”you know, the woman he cheated on his last partner with, the probability of him cheating on you is even higher. Seriously, what’s to stop him from cheating on you, when he cheated on his last partner with you?


He Guilts You About Unannounced Calls

If you just call out of the blue and he's mad about it, that could be a tell. He could be with another woman and doesn't know how to explain your call to her. (now granted, he could be with mom or something else going on).

He's Constantly Texting When You're Together

Players are usually very good at making you think you have their full attention. But if he seems distracted by his phone. that could be a sign he has a woman or women on the side!

He Takes Calls In Another Room

If it's one time, or he says "Hey sorry, I have to take this, it's not a biggie. But the guy who is always leaving the room for calls or checking his phone and ignoring calls...that's a big sign.


He Never Takes You On Dates

His idea of a date is watching a movie on Netflix and having sex, either at his place or yours. He has never asked you to go out to a real restaurant, and if you suggest it, he just blows you off or offers a lame line like, “but I just like to be home with you.”He likely doesn't want you to get too attached to him because he isn't attached to you.
He wants to keep things casual because he feels casual about the relationship.
He's not about to spend his paycheck on you because he thinks you'll come around regardless of whether he puts in the effort or not.


It’s Maybe All The Time

If you’re talking to guy and he always replies with things like “I’ll see,”or “Hmm, maybe”....... after you’ve asked him if he wants to hang out later, or tomorrow, or even next week, then you are dealing with a player. That’s because he’s probably not sure if he’ll be out on any dates with other women during those times, so he’s keeping you hanging until he gets bored or figures out if he can make “better” plans

He Is Often Full Of Excuses (not just occasional)

One of the classic signs he is a player is a guy who is often full of excuses. He can act so smoothly and convincingly that you cannot notice that he is just lying to you. He had to work late and couldn’t call. He has a work deadline and can’t get together. He’s just beat and needs to relax alone. If he has , they will sometimes be his excuse. He seems sweet and apologetic whenever he gives you excuse, perhaps, he is covering up the truth that he is lying to you.

He Avoids Making Things Clear

Oftentimes, a player might not walk right up to you and say that he is a player so you need to stay away from me. He will be coyer about it so he could hold you on a string together with the rest of the other girls he is also playing with. Hence, once he does not make things clear about the relationship between he and you, then you could take it as a signal of a player. It means that he does not want anything serious yet still wants you to be around him. Also, it means that he does not respect you and does not value you. It does not matter whether he wants just a simple friendship or further, but he still needs to let you know what your relationship to him is. In case he does not, it is safe to conclude that he is playing the field with you.

It’s All About Being Physical

If you’re with a guy who would rather be in bed with you than talk to you, you’re not with the right guy and he’s playing you. Physical intimacy is important in every relationship but it shouldn’t DEFINE the relationship. If the guy you’re seeing just always rushes to intimacy and doesn’t even ask you how you’re feeling, if by chance you say no to him, he throws a huge fit about it and starts blaming you for everything.


Some other possible signs

He has women all over his social media page.

He always arrives late and never has a valid reason.

He talks a good talk but doesn’t walk the talk.

He doesn’t seem that interested in understanding your moods, feelings or thoughts
.
He is non committal about planning ahead.

He pushes for sex on the first date.

He is self obsessed and doesn’t ask about your life, needs or wants.

Often players text you obsessively and then they withdraw and you don’t hear from them for days. They also feel they have the right to call you or text at the last minute to meet up.

Obviously these are just possible “tells”.....Often women know when there's something to worry about, but we tend to just focus on the positive stuff about the guy. Go with your gut.


IF he feels shady, he probably is shady!

Be Honest..Be Sincere...Be REAL


GreenEyedLady_60 60F
1917 posts
6/8/2017 3:13 pm

Ain't that the truth!!

Be Honest..Be Sincere...Be REAL


idleHands92 28M
12 posts
6/8/2017 3:29 pm

For sure. you'll be alright though. be strong!


GreenEyedLady_60 60F
1917 posts
6/8/2017 3:58 pm

    Quoting idleHands92:
    For sure. you'll be alright though. be strong!
Thanks...I was just offering some tips. I did learn along the way though...

Be Honest..Be Sincere...Be REAL


s2ndegree 61M  
9731 posts
6/8/2017 4:42 pm

Everyone is different.Most are just dweebs..
The things you've listed could and often are, used to describe men in general.

Using more than all the road!


porterpiper1 53F
3755 posts
6/8/2017 4:53 pm

that can go both ways, if all you are looking for is a hook up or casual sex, then what is the problem? If you want a long term relationship then that is different, we as women have to take some blame in the way men treat us, we allow this to happen because we are caught up on the fairy tale of happy ever after, a men can only do what you allow them to do to you, women have to stop playing the victim, you are the one in control of your body and mind,


redrockrascal 62M
21755 posts
6/8/2017 5:25 pm

A couple questions:

You Haven't Met His Friends or Family. At what point do you introduce someone (an FWB for instance) to friends/family; first meet or . . .?

He has women all over his social media page. Is having women as friends not a good thing?

Players know how to say the right things So to demonstrate he's not a player a guy should avoid saying the right things?

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.


GreenEyedLady_60 60F
1917 posts
6/8/2017 7:25 pm

    Quoting porterpiper1:
    that can go both ways, if all you are looking for is a hook up or casual sex, then what is the problem? If you want a long term relationship then that is different, we as women have to take some blame in the way men treat us, we allow this to happen because we are caught up on the fairy tale of happy ever after, a men can only do what you allow them to do to you, women have to stop playing the victim, you are the one in control of your body and mind,
Yes it can go both ways...and in the event that one is only looking for casual sex or hookups, the things listed wouldn't matter so much, because there's no real relationship and you just wouldn't care.

I suppose perhaps I should have said something to the effect of "if you are looking for an LTR, you should watch out for these signs he could be a player"

I do agree we women have to be the ones to put an end to it if we see it happening in a relationship we are in. You're right that sometimes one gets caught up in a fairy tale or is just in love and lets some behaviors "slide". In that case..it would be your fault.

Be Honest..Be Sincere...Be REAL


GreenEyedLady_60 60F
1917 posts
6/8/2017 7:34 pm

    Quoting Heathen_G:
    Is He A Player?? ....So what if he is a Player? Men should be Players, especially today.
    There's no great incentive to choose only one woman today, and there's definitely no great benefit to only having one woman , either.

    Men should have his harem.

    Your meme for instance, "Whoa that dick is not worth all the games you are playing", by the same token , a man can rightly say, "Whoa that pussy is not worth all the commitment you want".

    You said, "It’s amazing how many women who are highly intelligent, beautiful, kind, smart, witty and bright, get so easily duped by players." .... Actually , no it isn't amazing at all. Women always rally around the banner, "Seduce my mind and you can have my body". So that is exactly what a good Player does.

    Women also vehemently insist they're not whores [not prostitutes], yet continually talk as if they are, "If he values you....." or "He doesn't value you....." .

    And "Respect"? What woman is worrying about respect in the midst of passion?! No woman. And if she is, then she knows she shouldn't be with the guy, but oh hell , she can whine about not being respected later.

    So this post is more for the ladies, .... More for the "Women". If you insist you're a lady, you're faking a personality.

    but if any gentlemen ... The guy who insists he's a gentleman, is also faking his personality.

    The passion of Nature is not concerned with polite nice thoughts and manners.

    but I absolutely can’t stand liars .... Women lie all the time. Hundreds of thousands of years perfecting how to get what they want. Some are just better than others, because her body is the right look. If not, she can chance her lies with body accessories.

    and men that just wanna play games with a woman’s head or heart!! .... Yes . We mostly want sex so we'll play any game to get it, including messing with your heart, playing gentleman, if that is what it takes.

    Women mess with a guys a dick , to get what she wants. But when confronted with the possibility of having competition [him seeing other women], then she raises a stink about how hurt and betrayed she is, pouting she then accuses him of being a Player and is not valuing her ..... so funny.

    Some men are trustworthy… ... Yes they are, and this is the guy who usually ends up in a woman's "Friendzone" , never getting any sex, being the token gay pal, and always listening to her troubles with the men who are fucking her brains out, while comforting her by saying men can be such uncouth scoundrels. [Way to save the day token gay guy in her friendzone! ]

    Some men are not trustworthy. .... And these men turn you on the most. They even cause you to make stupid decisions. Women just like to pretend she is, and can be , the only possible woman for a man. A big part of the seduction of attraction [for women] is NOT knowing if she can trust him.

    Players know how to say the right things, how to hook you by telling you want they think you want to hear. ... Yes, and women even cheer for that to happen. "Seduce my mind and you can have my body".... Yay! Weeee!, she cheers.

    Generally if you say no to sex they loose interest pretty fast in you. ... No. That would only happen if you're a 6 or below rating, and the night is still early. His lack of interest doesn't activate by what you say, but more how you look and his estimation of better chances.

    However some will hang around feeding you all the right lines, then if you cave in they sometimes will rapidly lose interest as they are addicted to the chase not you. ... That's not a Player. That's the shy guy trying to test a "Bad boy" theory. You frightened him. You wouldn't want him for very long anyway.

    Also I will mention about , "He pushes for sex on the first date."... It's not a "Date" if there is no sex. Then you're just "Hanging out".

    The entire idea of inviting a woman out is for sex, that's why it's called a "Date". Otherwise, he might just say, "Do you want to hangout sometime".... This is implying he wants to get to know if you ever want to have sex with him. Or maybe he can not longer have sex.
Oh Lord...I'm not even gonna try to respond to all of this....it would take me all night. And I would have a hard time deciding where to begin...

Thanks for your thoughts and opinions.........you're certainly entitled to them.

Be Honest..Be Sincere...Be REAL


GreenEyedLady_60 60F
1917 posts
6/8/2017 7:50 pm

    Quoting redrockrascal:
    A couple questions:

    You Haven't Met His Friends or Family. At what point do you introduce someone (an FWB for instance) to friends/family; first meet or . . .?

    He has women all over his social media page. Is having women as friends not a good thing?

    Players know how to say the right things So to demonstrate he's not a player a guy should avoid saying the right things?
I think perhaps I should have had the post geared or reflect more in the realm of someone looking for an LTR. If it is just a casual, sexual relationship and there are no expectations of anything else, then meeting friends and family wouldn't necessarily be offered.

Women on his social media- Yes men have women friends and that's great, but perhaps if it is a high majority of them, coupled with some of the other "tells"...THEN it might be more worrisome. Or perhaps the types of posts by the women- are they just simple, friendly remarks or provocative in nature?

I think it's up to the woman to gauge the sincerity of the right things being said to her. Do they ring true? Or just BS to get in your pants. Do the words and actions match?

No one single "behavior" means a man is a player...I think it is more a total of them as a whole, that may give a woman the sense that he is a player.

Be Honest..Be Sincere...Be REAL


let_me_see1 61M  
664 posts
6/9/2017 3:21 pm

Geez, it seems like Heathen_G has far too much time on his hands! Jus Sayin LOL

I get what you have posted. They are signs to look out for if you are interested in someone in something long term, not just a hookup. The signs goes both for men and women, as I know women that will work guys that way too. If it's just a one nighter or a once in a while hookup, none of what is posted would matter a bit. And I agree.....If it's the person you are looking to join in a committed relationship, then buyer beware of the signs of a bad situation! It all comes down to honesty and trust, and if you don't have both, then move on or enjoy the one nighter! LOL

Cum follow my blog and feel free to leave a comment. It's what makes the chat interesting!


redrockrascal 62M
21755 posts
6/9/2017 3:42 pm

    Quoting GreenEyedLady_60:
    I think perhaps I should have had the post geared or reflect more in the realm of someone looking for an LTR. If it is just a casual, sexual relationship and there are no expectations of anything else, then meeting friends and family wouldn't necessarily be offered.

    Women on his social media- Yes men have women friends and that's great, but perhaps if it is a high majority of them, coupled with some of the other "tells"...THEN it might be more worrisome. Or perhaps the types of posts by the women- are they just simple, friendly remarks or provocative in nature?

    I think it's up to the woman to gauge the sincerity of the right things being said to her. Do they ring true? Or just BS to get in your pants. Do the words and actions match?

    No one single "behavior" means a man is a player...I think it is more a total of them as a whole, that may give a woman the sense that he is a player.
If it had been mentioned it was geared more toward someone looking for an LTR it probably would have different replies.

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.


GreenEyedLady_60 60F
1917 posts
6/9/2017 8:49 pm

    Quoting let_me_see1:
    Geez, it seems like Heathen_G has far too much time on his hands! Jus Sayin LOL

    I get what you have posted. They are signs to look out for if you are interested in someone in something long term, not just a hookup. The signs goes both for men and women, as I know women that will work guys that way too. If it's just a one nighter or a once in a while hookup, none of what is posted would matter a bit. And I agree.....If it's the person you are looking to join in a committed relationship, then buyer beware of the signs of a bad situation! It all comes down to honesty and trust, and if you don't have both, then move on or enjoy the one nighter! LOL
Yeah...it would have taken me ages to respond to every point despite there were a few things I took issue with. Men should have his harem? Oh Lord.....lol

I think perhaps I should have clarified, because what you say is true. Just casual hookups don't come with the expectations that an LTR would. Also true that women can play the same game.

Absolutely agree that honesty and trust are needed! The honesty starts from the get go, in letting the other person know what type of "relationship" you are looking for.

Be Honest..Be Sincere...Be REAL


GreenEyedLady_60 60F
1917 posts
6/9/2017 8:51 pm

    Quoting redrockrascal:
    If it had been mentioned it was geared more toward someone looking for an LTR it probably would have different replies.
I absolutely agree...it was my oversight in not presenting it that way!!

Still learning the art of blogging....lol

Be Honest..Be Sincere...Be REAL


lyavu 47F  
1374 posts
6/10/2017 7:08 pm

Communication is the key. If you feel or doubt the guy's action ask questions . If you don't feel comfortable with what he is doing move on. Don't stress about things and question them if all it comes down to I don't trust the guy. Follow your heart .


GreenEyedLady_60 60F
1917 posts
6/14/2017 8:45 am

    Quoting lyavu:
    Communication is the key. If you feel or doubt the guy's action ask questions . If you don't feel comfortable with what he is doing move on. Don't stress about things and question them if all it comes down to I don't trust the guy. Follow your heart .
I absolutely agree..communication..communication...communication is the key! Any relationship has to have trust...if it's not there-it's not a good one.

Follow your heart and your gut!!

Be Honest..Be Sincere...Be REAL


author51 57F  
102719 posts
7/19/2017 2:03 am

In my real life I have had two long time commitment ones with 21 years with my ex husband and 8 years with a commonlaw. I did not run into any men who had cheated or lied until I came on this site.

Even my two long term men did neither of those things.Or at least I did not know about it. It has made me jaded to say the least and not putting my full trust in men at all until I have come to know him for a long time.. Good post and advice for others to keep their hearts in tact and not fall for these players..

One can never have enough JOY in their life...


rmTurboDET 44M

7/25/2017 12:48 pm

The woman who was my last LTR fit no less that thirteen of those description points, so it isn't just males. The signs were there, and I occasionally wondered something may have been up, but I ignored all that. When she suddenly asked me to move out, she tossed out the excuse of "needing space... thought I was ready to move on but wasn't...", she actually tried to spin it as if it were my fault.

A few weeks later, I set up an account on another social media site on some totally unrelated matters. Although I knew she had an account there -- knowing she was the always-wired-in type -- I had never looked at her page there before. Until then. She had been seeing someone else behind my back for at least four months before she asked me to move out. Selfies of them together were plastered all over, and despite still having her (supposedly-ex) ex-husband still on her friends list and pics of him up as well, there was not one single item to so much as suggest that I had ever even existed. And while she was legally separated from her nominal-ex, I found out the divorce was still not yet finalized, and she was still milking the guy's insurance and other benefits for all it was worth.

Needless to say, we have had zero contact with one another since then. We don't even live in the same region anymore, but I still think back that it was a lucky thing I had kept my old "bachelor pad" (which I had continued to use for office space).


GreenEyedLady_60 60F
1917 posts
7/25/2017 2:33 pm

Oh I totally get that it isn't just men that can be players. Women can be just as bad!

These type of people are just out for themselves and they have no real moral compass! It is all about them, and they seem to have zero care for anyone else or the feelings of anyone else.

They are just takers, with not an ounce of real giving in them!

Sorry you had to experience a horrible woman like that, but I'm glad you were able to move on!

Be Honest..Be Sincere...Be REAL


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