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| Blogs > wildnwanton > Welcome to the Sanitarium... |
Somber is the Day
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Somber is the Day  Photo is mine, taken at a small water fountain at night. This whole world is depressing right now, there is so much hate that you can literally feel it when you step outside. You can read it on any social media site. It's in our news every day. Our 'leaders' the world over use it to hold power, if they keep everyone fighting against one another, there will be no one to stand against them. And oh how well it is working. We as a people have always been so quick to profess our hates. No one raises an eyebrow when someone blurts out how much they hate something. Common hates have Facebook communities now. But....try blurting out that you love something. Watch the fear rise in some eyes, the aversion in others. Listen to how many people say things designed to destroy your love, how many will ridicule your feelings. It's almost as if we have grown afraid to love. I grew up in a world largely devoid of love, my father was an abusive alcoholic, my mother gone working most of the time. Family spread far and wide, old hates driving wedges between brothers and sisters, cousins never being allowed to know one another other than in passing. I was a lonely with a bunch of critters and a love of reading. I learned many things through books, gathered knowledge that I carry to this day through my love of reading. But most of all, I longed for knowledge of what it meant to be loved, to give all the years of love I was never able to freely express to someone and have it returned . So, having never known what love was even supposed to look like, what it was supposed to feel like, I set off in search of it. My advice on love prior to my quest was pornography, romance novels, and television. So basically I was looking for Mike Brady on steroids with an insatiable appetite for sex. It conflicted greatly with the notion that seemed to be prevalent in my family that a woman needed to be married, and have a baby on her hip by the time she was 25. Searching for a dream takes time, but I'm an over achiever. I was there by the age of twenty. And through four marriages, I failed in every sense. My last divorce, which was probably the most heartbreak I had ever felt collectively, a betrayal of trust in every convoluted way possible, almost destroyed me. I closed my heart and the remainder of love I had left to give anyone away for many years after that. All of my relationships took on a business like purpose. I didn't need to even know a last name most of the time. People became nothing more than tickets to whatever ride I was seeking. I was walking a razors edge, manic and unconcerned with anything other than self gratification. I remained kind, fought to not become bitter, but letting anyone touch my heart? Not a chance in hell. Humanity became a disposable commodity for me. I drifted about for a long time, playing here and there, but darting away when I felt like someone was getting a little too close. I dabbled in many different lifestyles, partook in many different hedonistic pleasures. And I have no regrets save one, that I probably wrote off some really good people. But I began sinking a little too deeply into some very bad behaviors. My sense of self preservation helped me pull my head out of my ass and I left here, I went to Idaho. I spent my first months there in a sort of enforced solitude. I chatted online and on the phone. I blogged. But mostly I thought back over the years of my life, the old "Where did I go wrong" soul searching shit that every person who has experienced a traumatic loss goes through. For a time, it was ALL their fault. And in big ways, it was. But the thing I conveniently overlooked was my own hand in what had gone wrong. My bad choices, my stubborn attitudes...things I could have done differently that would have prevented all but my last divorce. And then I started taking stock in all I knew about love, and realized that through all my marriages I had been in love with an idea of love created by a lonely scared whose education on the matter was woefully short and confusingly rendered. So I started exploring my own heart for the things which I knew to be true about love, and I came to realize that loving was as easy as breathing, for I can love deeply without the need for any other quantifer than that I genuinely care about something or someone. That love doesn't have to be reserved for romance and family, it can be freely given to all who are willing to accept it. Real love is love of any kind. It doesn't require anything other than acceptance. And honestly, if our species doesn't soon reconnect with the idea that love doesn't have to come with strings and conditions and remember what it feels like to love again, we are all going to be doomed to extinction by our own hand. Because if you love something, you care for it, you protect it. If we don't soon start loving this world we live in, it will surely wither and die. If we don't start loving one another again, so shall we. Peace to all. "Shall I tell you the secret of the true scholar? It is this: every man I meet is my master in some point, and in that I learn of him." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson   |
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Lovely, heart-rending prose McWild! Anger is such a destructive emotion.
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I can love deeply without the need for any other quantifier than that I genuinely care about something or someone. That love doesn't have to be reserved for romance and family, it can be freely given to all who are willing to accept it. Real love is love of any kind. It doesn't require anything other than acceptance. YES! As a recent discoverer of this, it really resonates with me. I'm glad you're writing here again!
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Acceptance...Forgiveness...Compassion...Love...Spread them where you can...While you can...   
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Hating is a lot of work, and I'm a lazy dude. Road Trip, on HNW Heavens to Murgatroyd Taking Friends on Their Honeymoons [post 3312759] My Private Blog – Tell Me All You Secrets
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Very well said! Thank you I can relate.
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Btw- I love the sublime mystery of the photograph. Thoughts from the Garden...
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Beautifully written! Ironically, it is the strife, hardship, and horrors of the world that fine tunes, deepens, and strengthens love. For some reason this post also reminded me of the opening line of 'The Road Less Traveled'... "Life is difficult". Truer words were never spoken. Thoughts from the Garden...
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I am sorry to bring the news that man is doomed by his own hand and his rejection of what is right , just and loving in almost all things, man cannot rule himself ,never has never will Only a higher power can bring it to pass.. It will come to pass ,and then the world will be cleansed forever of the spirit of evil ,hate , greed jealousy, death, suffering etc. I pray for that day to come ,until then we will know only suffering and we brought it upon ourselves by consciously choosing it over ,love, justice, righteous action ,and protecting the weak. may peace be upon your soul.
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Just a thought - Love is in side of you, first find it there, then the law of attraction automatically surrounds you with it. My first guess is that there was a lot of karma drama for this lifetime so be happy it is behind you, the wake does not drive the boat. And as to pleasure seeking, the greatest pleasure is service to others. Start with animals.
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Interesting take on life. It seems we are all different but want similar things. Well written!
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