Reset Password
If you've forgotten your password, you can enter your email address below. An email will then be sent with a link to set up a new password.
Cancel
Reset Link Sent
If the email is registered with our site, you will receive an email with instructions to reset your password. Password reset link sent to:
Check your email and enter the confirmation code:
Don't see the email?
  • Resend Confirmation Link
  • Start Over
Close
If you have any questions, please contact Customer Service
AgoraCosmopolitan Dating
Forgot password?
Blogs > tresennui > Succumbing to Curiousity

Let's Talk About  

tresennui 69F  
2842 posts
12/4/2013 4:30 pm

Last Read:
1/19/2015 6:13 am
Let's Talk About

I recently read a blog by [blog intendadiversion] about after sex communication. Funny how people can expose their bodies and have what many consider the most intimate moments with someone, yet when it comes to talking to each other afterwards they are reluctant to say what's on their minds. A women feels comfortable enough to get naked, have a man go down on her, enter her body, and then won't text or call to ask if he is interested in getting together again if she doesn't hear from him in the number of days she deems appropriate. Same goes for a man.

Somethings to ponder regarding this situation:

What did you two talk about when you were together before, during and especially after sex?
Did you discuss feelings for each other? The desire to see each other again?
Talk about things you'd like to do together in the future?
Did either of you give any indication that you wanted this encounter to be the beginning of something significant?
Did you part as just friends that happened to have sex?

I know with FWBs I will hook up one day and not talk for weeks or even months.
Even if its a first encounter, the tone has been set that the relationship is casual; therefore, no expectations or obligations.

There have been times I haven't heard from someone after we had an enjoyable time and found myself getting slighted pissed off...debating do I want to pursue or not, but them when I really think about it, I have to admit to myself I didn't like them that much and know that I wouldn't be upset if I never saw them again. I think it's often more an ego thing, being "rejected" then really caring about continuing a relationship.

Not contacting afterwards if you are not interested is not the nicest thing to do, but sometimes I even find myself doing it. I feel bad telling someone I'm not interested and silence does make an easy statement. I don't always want to answer why...when it's often just a personality thing or that I just wasn't feeling it, even if we did have good sex.

Man or woman, if you want someone you often have to take the initiative...even if you've already had each other.
Tresennui
Succumbing to Curiosity...read me at tresennui
packageman57 67M
1093 posts
12/6/2013 9:44 pm

 I believe communication goes both ways....so yes...a woman should contact a man and not wait. Be upfront and honest, enjoy yourselves, and smile. If you wouldn't mind another encounter, go for it.


curiousg0123 57M  
90 posts
12/6/2013 8:14 pm

 lol... must have been... ohhh yeah!! that good!..

Intimacy and boundaries get more complicated the better time you have.


pytimesx 64M
Ask me for a photo
988 posts
12/4/2013 5:58 pm

 Well, its always polite to ask after a short break in activities... "did you have enough orgasms" . I never take yes for an answer

On the serious side:
The post makes for a good content and conversation but...

I'm not a FWB participant but would be very curious what a (any) couple's expectations are with FWB. It does start with 'Friends' and the FWB literally means "sex without commitment".

If they did not talk about expectations before hand, I'd have no reason to think they would afterward. But this is the quintessential definition of sex with a 20 year old - either gender. It just plain sucks when the party's are anything over 30.

At least the two could pickup on earlier conversations where they were left off before things got hot n heavy. The best conversation may very well be how exhausted the two are. But there are several other subjects given how exposed they are at that moment. In the end, conversation does take two participants (unless you're loco like me) .

I'd take it a step further and say if they are not communicating during sex, the two of them left something on the table and just managed to go through the motions.

Back to FWB... if it really is suppose to be 'Friends' then why do woman refuse to dial the phone, click the send button or even kick him in the ass. Do friends not call each other just to say hello or did ya hear this on the news? Did women spend 90 years fighting for equality so they can say "hey, he should call me if he wants some"? And, doesn't that suggest "Friendship" was never in the equation for her.

Its a two-way street with and without cloths on. And, with all due respect, I think many women simply need to engage. Using more than eye candy as a barometer is such a huge advantage it would tip the tables. Just don't take this in support of men who in general are 'equal culprits'.


tresennui replies on 12/4/2013 9:36 pm:
As I said, it goes both ways. If a woman had a good time or wants to meet up again...or just talk she should take the initiative, not wait. I don't understand women who play the "he better call me" game. I so agree with you regarding women's fight for equality of the sexes and of sex. What happened to women's lib? I still all to often hear about women who feel they gave something to a man by having sex with him...he had to convince her to do it, because he wanted it. She shouldn't be giving in....she should want it just as much and express that....or not have sex. There shouldn't be regret for any reason afterward.

FWB to me is a standard relationship, it's pretty much the only kind I have. I'm not looking to particularly settle into a exclusive relationship with one person or an emotional involvement. Or at least haven't met anyone I felt that way about for a long time. The commitment you have is the same you'd have with any friend. You're honest, respectful of each other, care about each other. You like to hang out, keep up with what is going on in their life...work, family, etc. When you are together you very often have sex. Because you both enjoy sex. I have FWBs, depending what is going on in our lives, I see sometimes fairly regularly, sometimes a couple times a year. And we converse on the same frequency.

Become a member to create a blog